


the ballad of alexander arcady.

by lonelyheartsclub_com



Category: Murder Most Unladylike Series - Robin Stevens
Genre: F/M, sara berry au!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyheartsclub_com/pseuds/lonelyheartsclub_com
Summary: this is the story of how alexander arcady lost his mind over a shiny sceptre and a crown.
Relationships: Alexander Arcady/Hazel Wong
Comments: 7
Kudos: 6





	the ballad of alexander arcady.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StalkerOwl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StalkerOwl/gifts).



> tw // murder, poisoning, bludgeoning, disembowelment, disembodiment

Alexander Arcady scrubbed at the blood on his hands, swearing softly. _You're gonna be prom king, Alex. You won't disappoint Mom and Dad, you'll have it all!_

He grinned. Maybe he was a little sick for killing those poor guys, ~~but so what~~? It was worth it. Alex looked at himself in the mirror, the sash and his white suit stained with the blood of his victims. 

This would be hard to explain. He could hear the sirens. _Shit._

Alex Arcady had it all. The perfect girlfriend, quarterback, dazzling smile, was rich enough to buy your house twice over. He and Hazel were a shoe-in for prom king and queen, at least until George Mukherjee - his best friend - lost his leg in a crash. Rumors went around - whispers. Rumors that _he'd_ be prom king instead of Alex. 

_"Sasha, my boy," Nikolai started, sighing and putting a hand on his son's shoulder. "There's no place for a prince at prom. You're better than that, aren't you?"_

And goddamn right he was. 

Alex almost lost his mind thinking about losing to George. George didn't have his charm, didn't have his charisma. Alex fell to his knees, running his hands through his hair and letting out a demented sort of laugh. He would rather die-

An idea sprung into his mind the night before prom. 

And thus went his plot:

_Poor Bertie Wells, chugging that poisoned punch,_

_Harold Mukherjee, dashed on a rock, crunch!_

_Oh, god, don't hurt me! Is what Alfred Cheng screamed as Alex bludgeoned his brains,_

_Chummy Melling, poor thing lost his intestines,_

_Stephen Bampton, quiet, drowned in the pool!_

_And, good God, Donald Melling's remains were spread all over the school!_

Alex wrote it all down, and he laughed. He'd have it all. Have it all, have it all, _have it all._ It would be an understatement to say poor Alex lost his mind. He wouldn't kill George - they were best friends, after all. 

So, Alex donned his white suit, and he practiced his speech.

God save Alexander Arcady, the king of high school land!

 _"Alex, babe, I was thinking I would go to prom with George? I'm still with you ofc but...."_ His girlfriend, Hazel texted him. 

_"..But????? Whatever, I don't need you anyways."_

He pressed the block button, and he put his phone down. 

He drove to school, thinking about what his father would say. He wanted to make him proud. So he'd kill Bertie, Harold, Chummy, Stephen, Donald and Alfred. Who'd care anyways? He hummed a chipper tune, and he was...excited. 

"Bertie! Let me get you a cup of punch, why don't I?" Bertie nodded, looking over at Harold and not focusing on Alex. Harold was across the room. He slipped some of the poison in Bertie's drink, and he asked to speak to him outside. He handed it to him. 

"I know you'll understand, Bertie. I have to be prom king. I took the mercy of buying a fast acting poison. Cyanide, to be specific. Enjoy your last 2 minutes, Wells." He smiled, as Bertie went red, dropping to his knees and choking. Eventually, he dropped to the ground, and Alex laughed. 5 more to go. He pulled the knife out of his pocket and carved, "PR" into Bertie's forehead.

Alex sighed, and he dragged Bertie's dead body outside. Some poor soul would find it eventually.

Eventually. 

He tapped Harold on the shoulder, catching him whilst he was on his way to look for Bertie. "I'm worried about George. Ever since the crash..." Alex started, and Harold ran a hand through his long hair. 

"George is fine, thank Krishna. It's you we're worried about. George says he can hear you going, "check Alex, choose Alex, vote for Alex Arcady!" in the middle of lessons. Alex...you don't have to be prom king."

Alex revealed what was behind his back. A large rock, and Harold stepped back. 

He laughed, hysterically as Harold tripped and fell back. "Harold Mukherjee, dashed on a rock. Crunch!" He called out, and brought the rock down on Harold's head. **CRUNCH!** Alex's nice suit was splattered with Harold's blood. He frowned. But nonetheless, he pulled back the rock, and it was stained with blood. He pulled out the knife, carving, "OM" into...what was left of Harold's head.

He walked into the bathroom, wiping blood off his neck and face. Alfred Cheng turned to face him. Ah, his next victim. How convenient. 

"Alexander, why is there blood-"

He pulled out a bludgeon. "Guess, Alfred! I want to be prom king!"

He shuffled away, and Alex swung at his head. 

"NO, GOD, OH, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, ALEX, NO-" **BANG!** Alfred dropped to the ground with a dull thudding noise. He'd have to apologise to Hazel for that one, he knew how much she loved Alfred. More blood on his suit, and some on his hands. Oh, for fuck's sake. Regardless, he carved a "K" into Alfred's head.

What remained, at least.

"Alexander Arcady?" It was Chummy. It was like his victims were lining up to die. He pulled out the knife. "You were a fucking dick anyways, Chummy." All it took was one slice. Alex decided to be flashy, and he reached down and pulled Chummy's insides out. He didn't care about the blood staining his hands. He'd always found the human body interesting. He took the knife and carved an "I" into Melling's forehead. 

"Check Alex, choose Alex, vote for Alex Arcady!" he sung, and the next person to show up was Bampton. 

Wonderful. 

"What the fuck? Arcady, what the hell did you do to-"

"You're gonna be quiet. You know, you talk way too much. That's why you're gonna drown." He dropped what was left of Chummy, and he walked towards Stephen, punching him in the face to disorientate him. He took the knife and carved a, "N" into Stephen's head. He didn't want to fish Stephen's dead body out of the pool after he drowned. 

He tied him up, tying his hands behind his back and his feet together. Alex dragged Stephen, who was shouting, and Alex sighed irritably. He tied some rope around his mouth. At least his shouts were muffled now. 

"Apologies, Bampton. I didn't hate you." Alex shrugged, waving, and he pushed Stephen into the pool. **SPLASH!** He thrashed for about 3 minutes, and Alex walked around the place singing his little rhyme. Then, Stephen had hit the bottom of the pool, and the blood from his head was diluting the water. 

Alexander sighed.

One more to go. 

Alex shrugged his blazer off, whistling. He would be the king of high school land. He walked out of the room where the pool was, hands in his pocket. He would kill others if it was necessary, but he wanted to stick to his original plan. "Alex, have you seen Chummy?" It was Donald. 

One more to go, and oh, he would go. 

"I have! I saw him about...20 minutes ago, when I killed him." Alex looked into Donald's eyes. His eyes widened, and he started running. 

"You're crazy, Arcady! I always knew there was something wrong with you-" **SLICE!** Off with Donald Melling's head. Alex fell to his knees, laughing giddily. He cut Donald up, first the arms, then the legs. He carried them all, spreading them all over the school. They'd _love_ that one.

He carved a "G" into Donald's head. 

It was complete. "I'm gonna have it all! I'm gonna be prom-"

"Alex...what on earth happened?" It was George. The _real_ reason there was a risk of him not being prom king.

"George. You're my best friend. I'm not gonna hurt you, God, I would never. But I will tie you up and lock you in a storage closet. Sorry, George." he said finally, pulling George from his wheelchair. 

"Why?" He cried out. 

"I have to be prom king!" Alex broke, and George's eyes softened. "Now, I'm off to go claim my crown." he laughed. He slammed the storage closet door shut. 

He hummed a tune, and he opened the door to where everyone else was. There was a scream. Alex walked onto stage, and he took the crown of prom king, slinging the sash over his arm and taking the bouquet of roses. 

"I want to thank you all so much. None of this would've worked if it weren't for Bertie Wells, Harold Mukherjee, the Melling twins, Stephen Bampton and Alfred Cheng. After all, it wasn't that hard to kill them-"

Police stormed in. 

"Alexander Arcady, you're under arrest for the mass murder you've committed tonight!" Alex laughed, and reinforcements ran in, taking the crown from Alex, his sash, his roses. They were taking his birthright away from him. 

**_"NO, GIVE THOSE BACK, THEY'RE MINE! I'M PROM KING, IT'S WHAT I DESERVE-_** " They clicked silver on his wrists, and several ambulances showed up, stretchers carrying what was left of Bertie, Harold, Chummy, Donald, Alfred and Stephen. 

The next few weeks were a blur.

Strait jackets, mugshots, pleading mental insanity. 

But Alexander Nikolai Arcady was still the king of high school land, he was still prom king. 

You know, to this day, people still say they can hear Alex humming, "Check Alex, choose Alex, vote for Alex Arcady!"

And that, folks, is the ballad of Alex Arcady. 


End file.
